In the Edge of Restless

Do you ever have a feeling like you wanted to do or have something so badly, but you know your surroundings will reject it so you just keep deny your feeling, push yourself not to cross that border? I know it's strange to post this kind of writing, but I just wanted to share my feelings and thoughts this time.

I'm talking about keeping a secret that you never imagine what will happen if you reveal it. I've been fighting this thing for so long in my life, but I never gave chance to let it out. This thing is something that is very important for me, something that I feel it was bind with me since the day was I born. Unfortunately, this thing is not something common, something that you don't know if everybody accepts it. So I kept myself remain in silent, but it feels so painful, hurting, and lonely because I have nobody to talk about this thing with.

Sometimes I reach the limit where I can't hold it anymore, and just doing some stupid things, but my deepest heart always tells me to keep in control. So every time I pray, I always ask God to protect me from what I want and lead me to the right way, particularly in facing the future, because I don't know how to face my future life. Seems like when I wrote this, I'm in the edge of restless. But I will try my best live my life happily, at least pretend to be happy, just like dancing between heaven and hell...